Hate Me
by tabatha0835
Summary: One thing was for sure, he had screwed up royally. Lit.
1. Prolouge

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, or the Blue October "hate me" lyrics. I wish I did but I don't. I'm not that good!

A/N: you know you want to review…..should I continue, or list it as a one shot?

He slowly got into his car and started the engine. The radio automatically turned on to his favorite rock station, he listened to the DJ announce a song that he had never heard before. He listened as the unfamiliar lyrics consumed his brain.

_I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head  
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed  
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone  
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home  
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain  
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?  
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?  
And will you never try to reach me?  
It is I that wanted space _

Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with  
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again  
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night  
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight  
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate  
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take  
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind  
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways  
Yeah ways hard to swallow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave  
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made  
And like a baby boy I never was a man  
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand  
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"  
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be  
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways  
Yeah ways hard to swallow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

As he swallowed what the song said, he came to the one conclusion that he had screwed up. Royally.


	2. dark apartments

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Never have, never will.

A/N: I just want to thank nPSID3DOMN and Tay. Thanks for reviewing. I hope I don't disappoint

A resounding click was heard through out the apartment as he flicked the switch to the lights. The once black room was flooded with light, which is when he noticed the fiery brunette sitting on the couch.

It had been only a matter of weeks that she had moved in with him. He was sure that she would say no when he has asked for her to run away with him. He wasn't disappointed when she refused vigorously. However he was surprised when he heard his name being called while walking out to his car. He turned around to see her at her window yelling yes. She had made his place theirs within a matter of days.

Remembering that day had brought a smile to his face, which soon vanished he seeing that she had gotten up and was now standing directly in front of him. He expected her to yell, throw things, chastise him for his wrong ways, what he did not expect was her to jump into his arms and hug him. He stood silently for a moment before hugging her back. They stood like that for what seemed like a matter of hours when in fact it was only minutes, him with a look of utter confusion on his face, her with relief spreading through her veins.

She slowly stood back and stared at him. Then as quickly as she had jumped into his arms she had smacked him. He felt the burn where her hand had made a print across his face.

"Ow." He stated simply. Slowly. Everything he did now a day was slow and simple.

"I can't believe you." he knew that she had a right to be angry; he just wasn't exactly sure why she should be at the moment. Everything had gone from bright and colorful, to dull and depressing within a matter of moments.

"I'm going back to my moms." She said calmly. He realized that if he stayed silent any longer that she would be out of his life again. This time he probably would never see her again.

"No, don't. Stay, please?" that's what she wanted to hear. He knew her, she just needed reassurance, so that's exactly what he gave her.

"It'll get better I promise." He had made that promise before, but had never kept it.

"Fine, but if it doesn't." she replied to be cut off by him

"It will." They both knew it wasn't true, but he wanted her to stay, and she didn't want to leave.


	3. AN question

A/N: Okay so I am a horrible, horrible person I should be mutilated, decapitated, burned at the stake, all of the above. I haven't updated because I have major writers block! If you guys want to submit some ideas then I can continue, but right now I have no where to take it. So yea.


	4. destination in mind

Disclaimer still applies; I'm not even going to pretend that I own them.

Quick A/N: okay so I tried to continue it, but I personally don't think that this chapter is that good, but he at least I tried right? Questions comments? Hit the review button and I will personally answer you. Please give me criticism I want to know how to improve and you can help!

He woke up the next morning with a headache, and the dizziness issue had to go he decided. She left the bottle of aspirin and a glass of water on his bed side table. He smiled slightly, 'she takes such good care of me' he thought ideally, but as it sunk in another idea struck him 'she's not supposed to, it's not her job to take care of you'.

He replayed the events that had taken place the night before, she threatened to leave him again. He knows that he cant live with out her, but it would be better for her if she lived with out him. He vowed to make things better for her, to take better care of himself. Maybe he would finally get help, like she had asked him times before.

He wandered into their tiny, yet ideal kitchen he found a note left before she rushed to work.

_My mom is coming to visit this week. Please don't screw up. I love you._

She doesn't sign her notes anymore he noticed. But who else would it be from he countered himself. He sighed; this was his chance to really prove that he would try. If her mom noticed what he did in his spare time (which was all of the time) she would just have another reason to hate him, and probably convince Rory to leave him once and fore all. He wouldn't live with out her, he couldn't survive that.

After the idea had sprung to his head he quickly showered dressed and ran out of the apartment with one destination in mind. He walked as briskly as the other natives, hurrying to his destination. When it came into view, he stopped and stared at it for a minute, until he decided to make a quick detour to an alley apartment two blocks away.

Once more wouldn't kill him. Right?


	5. memories

A/N: okay so I got a review, which one really surprised me, and two made me happy. :) To the point, I figured that I would try to write another chapter, but I don't know what the hell to write so bare with me please.

Disclaimer: still applies.

"_Jess!"_

_She was leaning so far out of the window he thought that she would fall out. He turned and looked at her_; _he stared when she didn't say anything he decided to speak up._

"_What? What could you possibly have to say to me, you hate me!" he yelled at her. He was so caught up in his anger that he didn't notice the tears that she started to shed. He was about to turn around and go back to his car when he heard her voice again_

"_I lied." What?_

"_What?" Voicing his thoughts_

"_I lied, I still love you, I never stopped." She paused "Can you come back here, so I don't have to yell!"_

_When she saw that he was indeed walking back to her room, she disappeared behind her curtains that had yet to be packed._

He smiled as he remembered that day, he couldn't get over that she had agreed to live with him for the summer. He opened the door to the apartment and immediately started to search for her. He found her in the kitchen bent over looking in the fridge for something, he came up behind her and started to rub her jean covered ass, "Want to go make some noise?" he whispered huskily in her ear. She slowly stood up and turned around, what he found was not his girlfriend in fact it was her mother.

"Did you just quote a bangles song?" she smirked at his surprised reaction. He recovered quickly, and shamelessly responded.

"Prince actually." Lorelai just glared in response. She then took notice of his appearance, his disheveled clothes and blood shot eyes.

"Where were you?"

"Out." His usual response.

"You know you're not good enough for my daughter." That seemed to somber him.

"I know. But I love her and I'm selfish so I'm not going to leave her."

What neither of them knew was that during their discussion Rory had quietly entered the room and stood listening. She finally decided to alert her presence.

"Jess can I talk to you for a minute." She then looked pointedly at her mother.

"I'll just go find some coffee or something." Lorelai left the couple behind to hash things out.

"_Okay so this is it, I know it's not much, but…" he trailed off as he unlocked the door to a small yet quaint New York apartment._

"_It's perfect." She wandered into the empty place, and released the suit cases she was gripping. _

"_Yea it is." He followed her and encircled her waist with his arms. They stayed that way for what seemed like forever until she started to walk through the apartment inspecting thing._

"_We can put our books in the living room; we would have to get more book cases of course, because mine barely fit my entire books let alone yours. And we can get a rug for the bedroom, and we can put the couch over there." She rambled until he cut her off with a small yet sweet kiss. _

_As he pulled back she smiled and asked "I'm happy, are you happy?"_

_He showed a genuine smile "yea, I'm happy."_

"Do you remember the first night we spent here?" he asked randomly. She looked at him confused at first, and then remembered.

"Yea, I do." She smiled "We where so happy, just to be together."

"What happened?" he quietly asked.

Her smile quickly disappeared, as the real reason she asked to talk to him came back to her. "You know what happened Jess." She firmly stated.


	6. laundry day surprises

A/N: Okay so first off I want to thank the people that reviewed, because it is so cool to get a review. So this is my little recognition to the people that did review, and to answer the questions, then I promise I will try to write longer chapters and update sooner!

cmtaylor531: Thanks! 

GinnyClone: Honestly, I'm really confused too. I have no clue where this story is going I'm just pulling stuff out of a hat. I will try to clarify more in this chapter, and try to explain what's going on as best as I can. Tell me if I can do anything else for ya!

OrangePunk: Okay, see you're my favorite reviewer, but shhhh don't tell anyone else it's a secret…And yes your assumption was correct he is a druggie. I love that scene too, its my favorite so far, I'm glade that you enjoyed it. Sorry I didn't update sooner but I will try to do more updates. Hopefully I can clear up some of your confusion, and some of my own. 

Okay see these nice people reviewed, now they get a response from me in the story isn't that cool, you could too you know if you just hit the pretty special review button. It will thank you in the end. Cause I don't know about yours but my review button talks to me. That could also be for other reasons but we will ignore that for the time being. Think of it as karma you review mine and I review yours. Life is a circle round and round we go where it stops nobody knows. Okay done with the mini soap box.

Disclaimer: Never have, Never will

The first time she noticed that something wasn't right with him was a month after they had move in together. He hadn't come home that night; she originally thought that he just had to work late. But as she watched the hours pass by, and he still hadn't appeared she started to worry. They fought about it the next day when he had finally showed up. Things started progressing for the worse after that fight, they fought more and more about useless things. But then she found what he was hiding from her, and that was the first time she threatened to leave him.

_Rory was humming to herself as she folded freshly laundered shirts and put them away. She the started sorting the pants that where all kept in a singular hamper, as she came upon a pair of Jess's jeans she checked the pockets. He had a tendency to leave papers, money, even his cell phone in the pockets. She slowly finds and pulls out a little plastic baggie filled with white powder; she dropped the pants on the floor, and then slowly followed them as she slid onto her knees shocked. _

_He came in sometime later to find her in the same place with something clutched in her hand. He looked on confused._

"_Rory? What's wrong?" she just looked up at him with frightened eyes, she slowly unclenched the bag so that he could see what she held._

"_Rory, I can explain"_

"_Oh I can't wait to hear this so called explanation" she said bitterly, once she found her voice_

_Sure he had heard her upset before that's not what shocked him, what shocked him was the bitterness her sweet voice held. He had never heard such bitterness in his life, not even from his mother._

"_I…" he really had nothing to say. She laughed and again he had never heard anything that bitter from his sweet, little innocent angel._

"_Oh great, you? You what Jess? Is this what you've been doing all along? This!" she waved the bag around furiously. The tears stung at her eyes as she continued. _

"_You ask me to come away with you, to live with you, to trust you. How can I trust you now Jess? You lied to me, straight to my face. You said you changed…Oh you changed alright, I don't even recognize you!" she sobbed. His first instinct was to inch closer to her, to hold her and tell her it would be okay, but as she backed away from his advances he knew that it wasn't the time to console her. _

"_Rory, I…" he tried again, but nothing came out._

"_You lied to me Jess. How? How could you?" she was again on the floor sobbing, it was all you could hear throughout the otherwise quiet apartment._

"_How long?" she said after her sobs had been controlled._

"_How long, what?" he asked confusedly _

"_Don't play dumb Jess, your no good at it. How long have you been doing this to yourself?" shocked at her question he answered truthfully._

"_I don't know, not long. I mean before you and stars hollow occasionally at parties. But I quit when I was there, nothing to it I can do it again, I will do it again. It's just occasionally anyway, its not like I'm an addict or anything, I can stop. I can." He lowered to the end talking to himself. _

"_I'm leaving" she announced bringing him back to earth._

"_What! No, please. Stay it will get better, I promise." Reality hit home to him at the thought of her leaving_

"_If it doesn't, Jess I swear to god that I am on the first bus back to stars hollow."_

"_It will, see." He took the bag that she was still holding from her, and walked into the adjoined bathroom, and flushed the white powder down the toilet. He turned to face her, smirked slightly, and gave her his best innocent puppy look._

"_Fight over?" he asked pleadingly she smiled tightly._

"_Yeah, fight over." He grinned and kissed her._

It wasn't the last time that they had that fight, but it was the fight that started it all.

* * *

"Where were you Jess?" she repeated the question her mother had asked before her. 

"I'm sorry…" he stated solemnly. Tears sprung to her eyes. She knew why he was apologizing.

"Why?" she whispered

"I just, I'm sorry Rory I was going to go get help. I was, I just…I needed one last time."

"NO!" she yelled, shocked Jess jumped slightly.

"No, you didn't Jess don't you see you don't need one last time. There is never one planned last time. You could've gone Jess. You should have gone, why? Just why didn't you…" she trailed off crying.

"I'm going back home with my mom." She stated

"No, don't-''' she held up her hand efficiently cutting him off.

"This time is for real Jess, I'm going back with my mom, and it's final. I love you, but I can't sit around here watching you destroy your life."

As if it was planned Lorelai walked through the front door, coffee in hand.

"You ready, Rory?" she asked quietly, Rory nodded in response and grabbed her already packed suitcase out to where her mother was standing. She turned to where Jess was standing.

"Good bye, Jess." Whispered as if she didn't want it to be true. Then just as quickly she walked out of the apartment that she once called home. As the door slammed shut behind the Gilmore girls, he slowly slid down to the floor, and for the first time in his life Jess Mariano cried.


	7. a lonely week

A/N: Okay I know that it has been a while and I am terribly sorry, but my computer broke. So my hard drive and everything just crashed it is gone. And on top of that I moved, so I couldn't really update anyway. This is weird because I could review and read, but not update. So I know it's not much but its what I could get done and I hope that soon I will be able to finish this story and start another one. Thanks to all the reviewers, but I can't really remember if I got any. So that doesn't really matter.

Disclaimer: still don't, I don't own anything, not even this computer…. Sad.

He didn't leave his apartment for the first couple of weeks; he had never known such loneliness. It took that time to realize that she wasn't coming back.

The day that he finally left his apartment he just walked. He didn't know where he was going, but staying isolated wan driving him insane. His feet took him to a familiar building, only this time he went inside.

He was immediately greeted by the perky receptionist.

"How may I help you today?" he winced in response to her high pitch squeaky voice.

"What would I have to do to check in?" relenting his tendency to be mono-symbolic in these types of situations.

She smiled brightly and flipped her blonde tresses. "Oh that's easy, you just have to fill out these forms, and see one of our doctors so that they can give a first analysis, which will determine what program you need to go into."

He took the forms that where handed to him, he started to fill them in. name, address, phone number, Ect… However the last question threw him through a loop. 'What is your reason for being here?'

"Here goes nothing." He mumbles. He posed his pen and filled out the answer, after all admittance was the first step, right?


	8. changed man

A/N: Yep this is it, I want to thank Kinky-Bugs for reviewing. It gave me the initiative to write more. Don't you feel special? So this is the final chapter of this story I hope you guys like it!

Disclaimer: No I don't own them. Just the plot.

The past three months had been big for him. He had entered and completed the rehabilitation program, and had come up with a plan to win the love of his life back. All was going well in Jess Mariano's life.

He unlocked the door, and stepped into his apartment. Looking around he realized that not much had changed. He had cleaned, and emptied all of his hiding spots in order to live a sober life. But other then that everything was as she left it. The pictures of them together still donned the mantle place, the rug and furniture they bought together after the rented the apartment hadn't moved an inch since Rory had left that unforgettable day. As he looked around he realized that tomorrow was the day. The day that he would visit stars hollow to try to get her back.

* * *

He sucked in a breath as the welcome sign passed quickly. Driving through the back roads was best he decided. No need to bring anymore attention then demanded. He slowed as he came upon the Gilmore house, after of course driving down the block a couple of times to build his confidence. As he finally approach the door, he again sucked in several breaths before knocking.

The moments that passed by where slowly killing him, finally the door swung open to revel his smiling angel, until she saw him in which her expression drastically changed. He smirked and responded the only way he could think of.

"Hi…" she stared him for a long time until she angrily asked him what he was doing there.

"What are you doing here, Jess?"

"I had to see you…" he trailed off as a man that he didn't recognize walked up behind Rory.

"Hey Ror, who's at the door?" the mystery man asked

"But I see it was a mistake." Jess responded quickly as he ran back to his car and drove away

By the time that Rory had realized he was gone it was too late. She was shocked by his sudden appearance and his even more sudden disappearance. As she came to her senses she jumped into her car, and was soon following the same path that the love of her life had traveled just minutes before.

* * *

He stumbled into the familiar apartment, with his eyes blood shot and his complexion pale. He expected many things walking in, but none of what his imaginative mind came up with was what reality brought. Rory stood from the couch that she was sitting reminiscing on. When she took in his appearance her demure changed.

"I cant believe you, showing up at my moms like you did and leaving. God what is wrong with you? I thought that you showing up was a sign you know? That something has changed, I show up here thinking that maybe just maybe you would come back. You weren't here, so hey no biggie, he probably had a lot to think about right? I look around and things look good, I was excited to surprise you, to hug you kiss you god, just touch you." She was in tears by this time, but she continued on. "I missed you, and what do you do? You come in like that…I was such an idiot to think that you would change, for me at least. But I guess some things never change no matter how much you want them to." She gave him one final look before leaving the place that she once called home.

It didn't take long for him to run after her. When he didn't find her within sight he headed for his car.

He slowly got into his car and started the engine. The radio automatically turned on to his favorite rock station, he listened to the DJ announce a song that he had never heard before. He listened as the unfamiliar lyrics consumed his brain.

_I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head  
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed  
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone  
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home  
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain  
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?  
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?  
And will you never try to reach me?  
It is I that wanted space _

_Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

_I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with  
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again  
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night  
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight  
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate  
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take  
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind  
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind_

_Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

_Hate me in ways  
Yeah ways hard to swallow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

_And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave  
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made  
And like a baby boy I never was a man  
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand  
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"  
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be  
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"_

_Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

_Hate me in ways  
Yeah ways hard to swallow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

As he swallowed what the song said, he came to the one conclusion that he had screwed up. Royally.

FIN.

End A/N: okay so this is it. What do you think? I know the ending is well just plain wrong but hey I have to give you some initiative to read my stories…. I will probably do a sequel, but nothing is definite.


End file.
